who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
