Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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