1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
