Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there's paper in my vomit.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is my gift to your gina
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
