Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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