I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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