So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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