i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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