it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So much rum. So many feels.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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