Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
