I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
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We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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