Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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