Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
