PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
