he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
