Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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