Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
