I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize