I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
