At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
