I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
