my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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