I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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