After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
