dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
