Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
