I'm jealous of your bromance
I looked at my own cervix.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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