yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
