I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
