At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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