Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
