I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
