I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
