I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
