Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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