I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
