Buhtt sex?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
