I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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