He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
