dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
