hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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