Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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