how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
