Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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