I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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