I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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