I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
