so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
