Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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