wanna go halves on a baby?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
