Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
