When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize