I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
