I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
