I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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