Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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