Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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