Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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