I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
