I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
