Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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