You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize