Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
