so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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