I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
