You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
