bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
