she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
