I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We are all done wearing pants today
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