So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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