Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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