no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
