i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
