I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
