I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
